The leaves have all fallen and it’s snowing outside as I write this: It’s December! In what is fast becoming an AAIG tradition, here is a past holiday card from the Geren household to help set the festive mood. No, the irony of my name so closely resembling “German” isn’t lost on me. In fact, […]Read more "The Weihnachts Ale Tale"
Every language has its idioms that leaves non-native speakers nonplussed. If you are a vacationing German in the US and you hear someone say “It’s raining cats and dogs”, what they mean is “it’s raining really hard”. People’s tabbies and terriers aren’t actually falling from the sky. If they are, then you are probably in […]Read more "It Is Me, Sausage."
As the father of an infant in Germany, everything is hunky-dory while you are still in the hospital. The nurses come whenever you call them, food is brought to you, and newborns anywhere sleep more often than hungover college freshmen during Chem 102. Life is peaceful. Even if you were the one, like I was […]Read more "Deutsch Dads Need Duct Tape"
If you live in Germany, you probably work in Germany. Unless you’re the outdoorsy, competitive, gourmet type and actually enjoy living in the woods so you can challenge the local Wildschwein (wild pigs) for truffles, you probably need a job so that you don’t have to do just that. Work is paramount in Germany and […]Read more "All Work And No Play Makes Jack…An American."
U.S. healthcare. Because the subject irks me, I should say at the outset that this will perhaps be my most serious post ever. I will try to be as funny as possible in light of that fact, mostly because I too loathe those that drone on about social issues without a shred of humor. I […]Read more "“The Doctor Will Mug You Now”"
After having secured your apartment, the next task that must be undertaken is restocking it with all of the items that you essentially gave away in the garage sales that were necessary just so you could move here. Sure you could have paid someone thousands of dollars to ruin your furniture and then deliver the […]Read more "The Move – Part 2: IKEA"
Ah, spring. As I sit here writing this, the sun is shining, the tulips have bloomed, and the birds are outside my window, sweetly chirping the news, “Frühling ist da! Now get outside and lose some lard, fatty”. As insensitive as they are, the German birds are as right as their bipedal and Birkenstock-bedecked brethren: […]Read more "Gesundheit (Part 2)"
No, someone did not just sneeze. Gesundheit isn’t just something to be said after someone detonates virus-laden spittle from their mouths at 230kph before panic-strickenly checking themselves, and others, for contagious debris. Hardly anything ruins a happy moment faster than your boss – or worse, me – discovering a sticky mess stuck to their cheek […]Read more "Gesundheit (Part 1)"
Having made it through the previous installments, you – my faithful readers (all three of you) and suspicious Bundesamt censors alike – have persevered and have now arrived unsafely and scathed at the continued post about drinking in Germany. So, without further ado, let’s get down to brass tacks and to the central themes of […]Read more "Kein Alcohol ist auch keine Lösung (Part 2)"
Upon visiting Germany, one of the first things that will happen after you gather your luggage and visit the WC or “die Toilette” (don’t call it a “bath“room or “rest“room: Germans know darn well that you are going in there to neither shower nor nap) is that you will be asked, “Möchtest du etwas trinken?” […]Read more "Kein Alcohol ist auch keine Lösung (Part 1)"