It Is Me, Sausage.

Every language has its idioms that leaves non-native speakers nonplussed. If you are a vacationing German in the US and you hear someone say “It’s raining cats and dogs”, what they mean is “it’s raining really hard”. People’s tabbies and terriers aren’t actually falling from the sky. If they are, then you are probably in […]

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Deutsch Dads Need Duct Tape

As the father of an infant in Germany, everything is hunky-dory while you are still in the hospital. The nurses come whenever you call them, food is brought to you, and newborns anywhere sleep more often than hungover college freshmen during Chem 102. Life is peaceful. Even if you were the one, like I was […]

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The Move – Part 2: IKEA

After having secured your apartment, the next task that must be undertaken is restocking it with all of the items that you essentially gave away in the garage sales that were necessary just so you could move here. Sure you could have paid someone thousands of dollars to ruin your furniture and then deliver the […]

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Gesundheit (Part 2)

Ah, spring. As I sit here writing this, the sun is shining, the tulips have bloomed, and the birds are outside my window, sweetly chirping the news, “Frühling ist da! Now get outside and lose some lard, fatty”. As insensitive as they are, the German birds are as right as their bipedal and Birkenstock-bedecked brethren: […]

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Gesundheit (Part 1)

No, someone did not just sneeze. Gesundheit isn’t just something to be said after someone detonates virus-laden spittle from their mouths at 230kph before panic-strickenly checking themselves, and others, for contagious debris. Hardly anything ruins a happy moment faster than your boss – or worse, me – discovering a sticky mess stuck to their cheek […]

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